Diary of a what used to be a broken soul

I SHOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT THIS :'(

Hi. Call me Fria and I am the saddest girl on the planet right now. I want my buttercookies. I have trouble sleeping these days, and yup I frickin' am in hell right now.


I want my chocolate kisses and mallows.
I want my ice cream and mango shake.
I want my strappy sandals.
I want my tent and camping gear.
I want my ebooks and MacPro.


Fairygodmother, can you bring me these?

Date:  Three Weeks Ago  
I stopped my tears from dropping and I told myself , I'm gonna be strong! I've walked a thousand miles already, but until now, I cannot truly comprehend why no one have been there beside me always. How I wish life is as simple as those in a children's book. Never a conflict that cannot be resolved by a handsome prince. When will I be rescued? Have I been rescued? Why is it that until now, I still do not know where to go. Or where have I been and why I am here now looking forlorn and lost when I shouldn't be?

If I could Change your mind

If i could, I would. But that would only mean more harm and problem than actually solve it. So I am left daydreaming. I'll be okay I know for sure. Besides, If you could, you would as well. And we both know that. You are just not as bold as me. Not as asshole as me. You after all, is a lamb beneath the wolf's clothing and I am your alter ego. And this is nothing but a daydream.  My dramatic monologue.

Currently Playing in my Ipod

Something's Missing lyrics
Songwriters: Mayer, John


I'm not alone, I wish I was
'Cause then I'd know I was down because
I couldn't find a friend around
To love me like they do right now, they do right now


I'm dizzy from the shopping mall
I searched for joy but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
And a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate


Something's missing and I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing and I don't know what it is
No, I don't know what it is at all


When Autumn comes, it doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart


Something's missing and I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing and I don't know what it is
No, I don't know what it is at all


I can't be sure that this state of mind
Is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test
For loneliness, for loneliness like this


Something's missing and I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing and I don't know what it is
No, I don't know what it is


Something's different and I don't know what it is
No, I don't know what it is


Friends, check
Money, check
Well-slept, check
Opposite sex, check


Guitar, check
Microphone, check
Messages waiting on me
When I come home, check


How come everything I think I need
Always comes with batteries?
What do you think it means?
How come everything I think I need

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Bitter Taste

 You know that feeling when you wanted desperately to runaway and hide to seek your comfort zone, close the door, fall into bed? Just let everything out that you kept in all these years. That feeling of desperation. You're tired. Tired of everything. Tired of nothing. Tired of waking up everyday in the same situation. Exhaustion is eating you and the resolve you put up masking you for years. You just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. The people you expected to be there... none is going to be there. Well maybe except for someone who's been taking much space and time in your brain. He would want to be there. He will insist to be there. You have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. You are. But you are tired, tired of being strong. You are not the kind of girl guys fall in love with. People put you down enough you start to believe it. 


Isn't it sad when you get hurt so much you can finally say you are used to it? Another reason why you needed to be strong. And you are tired of waking up every single day, to nothing. It's always same cycle, spinning over and over. After a while, you'll learn you don't need anyone else to survive. Well, not anyone  that really mattered would be there anyway. Not him. Never. No one is gonna be there no matter what they promise you. And everyday you grow up and live in the world where you never feel you are pretty enough. The kind of world that only pretty people gets to be okay and successful. Women in heels & minis with their fingertips laced in bloody red, walking in a mind-ogling channel bag; android phone on one hand while the other waves in the air sparkling gems - an obvious walking figure of power. You gotta suck it up and accept it. That's just the way of life.


 And if I could drink these words I am saying. I know how bitter the taste would be. I am being ridiculous and I know it. Funny, I can't even laugh.




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