Bitter Taste

 You know that feeling when you wanted desperately to runaway and hide to seek your comfort zone, close the door, fall into bed? Just let everything out that you kept in all these years. That feeling of desperation. You're tired. Tired of everything. Tired of nothing. Tired of waking up everyday in the same situation. Exhaustion is eating you and the resolve you put up masking you for years. You just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. The people you expected to be there... none is going to be there. Well maybe except for someone who's been taking much space and time in your brain. He would want to be there. He will insist to be there. You have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. You are. But you are tired, tired of being strong. You are not the kind of girl guys fall in love with. People put you down enough you start to believe it. 


Isn't it sad when you get hurt so much you can finally say you are used to it? Another reason why you needed to be strong. And you are tired of waking up every single day, to nothing. It's always same cycle, spinning over and over. After a while, you'll learn you don't need anyone else to survive. Well, not anyone  that really mattered would be there anyway. Not him. Never. No one is gonna be there no matter what they promise you. And everyday you grow up and live in the world where you never feel you are pretty enough. The kind of world that only pretty people gets to be okay and successful. Women in heels & minis with their fingertips laced in bloody red, walking in a mind-ogling channel bag; android phone on one hand while the other waves in the air sparkling gems - an obvious walking figure of power. You gotta suck it up and accept it. That's just the way of life.


 And if I could drink these words I am saying. I know how bitter the taste would be. I am being ridiculous and I know it. Funny, I can't even laugh.




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